Slammed & Split

Letting Go

Download Letting Go as an mp3

You're letting me let you go
and I don't think I know
whether I am okay
with be-ing left alone.

This decision you're making
is not wholly yours;
you can't decide us
without making it ours.
Mutual leaving
is a whole other story,
but this is you choosing
to leave open gory
wounds of unsutured situations,
leaving me to be
with unanswered frustrations
and I'm just not ready
for those terms, limitations,
those
dashed aspirations.

I want to believe
in the blood in my veins;
that I'm not pumped full
of loose lies and change.
Take a penny,
leave a penny;
tip jar of my soul.
You're giving what you've got,
but that's all your hands hold.
There's no excess,
no extra,
no generosity involved;
you're not really giving,
but dis-pos-ing to absolve
yourself of your guilt
as the sit-u-ation resolves
itself to inevitable
conclusions that draw
their inspiration
from half-written laws
of fuzzy math
regarding relationship walls;
boundaries, connections,
the wounds we rip raw
never healing correctly
because they aren't closed off;
surface wound infections
with no bandages on,
leaving scar tissue drawn
across places
it just shouldn't be;
nowhere really damaging
or easy to see
but there nonetheless
aff-ect-ing one's
per-son-al-ity.

They color complexion
of avoiding rejection,
how we go about
witholding sections
of life and emotion;
discuss full devotion,
the potential
re-la-tion-ship confessional,
the related congressional
of ideas
and concepts
and march-on supression,
the pressing
ever-present stressing
that overtakes
an-y thought of dressing
the relationship lie
in a form so sublime
that you and I
are the onl-y
pair who sense a zone free
of sexual tension;
an act of virtual suspension
of any mention
of could bes and potential.

That was unfair,
to pigeon-hole that lie,
that thought you and I
could possibly context
such a white line,
one spit, rinsed and repeated
so many times
there's acid reflux
left by passing bile.

It's funny I get sick
every time we're together
because there's always a chance
things will get better,
but there's always an air
of discontented lament,
coated with a layer
of lasting regret.

And like a tattoo,
this is permanent.
You can try to hide or remove it,
though the imprint remains,
because these kind of life scars,
they don't tend to fade.