Slammed & Split

Owning Up

Download Owning Up as an mp3

From 6th to 12th grade,
I was in class or school
with the smartest dude I've known.
And I'm sure of this
because Jerry's still the cat I say that about
whenever the subject comes up.

I always told him
I coulda got them grades
if I sat still and studied for school
instead of spectating sports.
But we both know I've been lying
since the second time I said it,
and maybe we should finally make that official.

---

See, forgiveness
is a funny thing
because all you can do is ask for it
and no one can ever truly give it back.

---

My brother
stopped speaking to me once.
Well,
lots of times, really,
in that sibling threat kind of way.
But this one time --
for one year --
he never stopped the silence.

And that stop started
with a petty argument;
over video games we parted
when he spoke in sibling swears:

"EVERY TIME WE TALK, WE FIGHT.
SO IF WE DON'T TALK, WE WON'T FIGHT.

RIGHT?"

---

Being ignored by blood
isn't something to forgive
but rather chosen to ignore
because to explore
that deep to the core
is where you find things tightly stored
for a reason.

As four seasons passed;
I phased through them like glass
a transparent presence
with essence unmassed;
a 6th Sense ghost
with no sense that my last
living moment
was now in the past;
my table conversation unacknowledged
a persona non grata
phantom haunting my home.

So I chose to roam
other roles
socially adopting chameleon's clothes
becoming everything to all people --
"that guy" --
the one everyone knows.
I engaged in activities
to get caught in the throes
of living life to avoid it,
and reap what I'd sown.

Though I suppose,
in retrospect,
it was a fucked up way to become popular.

---

We got back in touch
because of 9-11,
a girl who cared when she didn't have to
and a little Jewography.
It had turned out that he --
in time --
had wanted to talk to me,
but thought I
no longer wanted to speak to him.

See, forgiveness
is a funny thing.
Because all you can do is ask for it
and hope someone ignores it
and chooses to move on.

---

I woke up one day soon,
and he was playing NFL 2k2.
I suggested he punt
on 4th and 1.
But he said, "Nah.
This play
works every time,"
as his players approached the line
in the "I" formation
quickly gaining running back penetration,
enough for a first down
and my verbalized admiration.

And then in an act of sibling unification,
we haven't turned the ball over since.

Forgiveness
is a funny thing.