Left Long
Stupid Questions
(An apartment. Football game on TV. ETHAN sits on the floor, propped up against the couch. NIKKI lies across his lap, lazily flipping through a women’s magazine)
ETHAN
I could get used to this.
NIKKI
Ehrm? What?
ETHAN
This. Being around. With you. It’s comfortable.
(SHE snuggles.)
NIKKI
Mmm hmm.
(HE shifts up.)
ETHAN
I mean it. I really could. It’s so easy.
NIKKI
Don’t do this now. Watch the game. Please?
ETHAN
Wow. You just asked me to watch the game instead of talking about our relationship. That might be unprecedented.
NIKKI
Timing is the key here. (⇐she wouldn’t say that. But the sentiment is right. Who's got suggestions? Bueller?)
ETHAN
There’s never a good time for this. You just have to do it. That’s how it goes. You know this.
NIKKI
Exactly why I don’t want to do it now. Can you please just let it go?
ETHAN
You know what? No. I don’t think I can. This is stupid, putting this off just so we can keep up appearances. I like you, Nikki. I like you a lot. Maybe this is because you fit my M.O. of girls in impossible situations, but I’d like to think it isn’t. I’d like to think that I’m right for once and I think there’s potential here because it really exists. And I don’t think I’m wrong either. You’ve told me as much. We’re being ridiculous. We need to make this happen.
NIKKI
You know we can’t do that.
ETHAN
Why not?
NIKKI
You know why not.
ETHAN
Don’t play the girl game and runaround the questions.
NIKKI
You remember how they tell you in school there are no stupid questions?
ETHAN
Yeah. So?
NIKKI
That was one of them.
ETHAN
(A beat.) Huh. (A beat.) Really?
NIKKI
(to self)Oh, God. You’re not that dumb. You’re not that dumb. You’re not that dumb. (A beat. To ETHAN.) You didn’t mean that, did you?
ETHAN
(defensive - knows he’s wrong; doesn’t know why)
No. (A beat) Yes. (A beat.) I don’t know.
NIKKI
Ethan, It’s not that easy and you know it. We – I – can’t just drop everything and try to make this work because it feels like it could be right. You’re being an asshole and you know it.
ETHAN
So?
NIKKI
Are you serious? So? That’s all you’ve got for me?? So? So nothing, you big idiot. You’re blowing this up for no reason other than boredom. Is it worth it? Huh? Do you think?
ETHAN
I – I don’t know.
NIKKI
Wrong answer.
(SHE starts to leave.)
ETHAN
C’mon. Nikki. don’t.
(SHE turns on ETHAN at the door. SHE closes the distance between them steadily as she speaks the following.)
NIKKI
Look. The only reason I’m leaving is because you’re here as my guest and you’ve got nowhere to go if I were to kick you out like I should. But I’m going to be gone for a while, and when I get back, you need to have made some decisions about whether you want to take the bus tonight or tomorrow like you planned. You follow?
(HE nods feebly. SHE leaves. The door shuts forcibly. HE stares at it.)
SCENE