On the Box

DVD Sllyogism
or how to get from Clerks to Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones
(in 98 DVDs) — as of June 14, 2006

Clerks took place the day after Mallrats, which involved characters in Chasing Amy, who reappeared in Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back, and were made into cartoons for the short-lived Clerks cartoon (six were made, two episodes aired).

That was a major network prime-time cartoon, like Futurama [Season 1], a comedy cartoon like SeaLab 2021 [Season 1], an ensemble comedy about people at work, much like The Office [The Complete Collection]. That was a British comedy that made it across the pond, as did Da Ali G Show [Season 1], a live-action comedy sketch series like Dave Chapelle's Chapelle's Show [Seasons 1 and 2] . Chapelle appeared in Undercover Brother, which features a world domination plot with a mind-control focus, as did Zoolander, which Owen Wilson co-starred in. Owen's brother Luke starred in Old School with Will Ferrell, who took the lead in Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy , in which Paul Rudd plays a supporting role, which he also did in The 40-Year-Old Virgin, along with Elizabeth Banks. The duo both appeared in Wet Hot American Summer, which featured SNL vet Amy Poehler. Poehler appeared in Mean Girls, which Rachel McAdams starred in. McAdams was the love interest in Wedding Crashers, which Vince Vaughn costarred in. Vaughn was the lead in Dodgeball, which costarred Stephen Root, who was in Office Space with Ron Livingston, who was in Swingers.

Swingers took place in Vegas, where you can gamble on basketball, the subject of the AND1 Mixtape [Volumes 1-5]. Basketball is Mekhi Phifer's sport of choice in O. And any time you discuss sports movies, you have to mention Omar Epps, star of The Program and Love & Basketball. The latter is high on the date movie list because it's a sports movie that's also a romance, much like Major League, which was followed by the straight goofy Major League 2 (which of course Omar Epps was in).

Both of those are baseball movies, much like Bull Durham, sending us around the horn to Bend it Like Beckham, another sports-themed romantic comedy, one which touch-passes the baton to Jerry Maguire, a romantic comedy that operates on the sports periphery, allowing for the jump to an outright romantic comedy like Heartbreakers. From there one changes over to High Fidelity, a romantic comedy centered around music, much like Almost Famous, which gets away from the comedic aspects of romance, and puts you more in the direction of Cruel Intentions, which was originally based on a French film, which Amelie actually is.

Amelie is in a subtitled foreign language, as is Y Tu Mama Tambien, which deals with two people and relationship struggles encountered while traveling, much like Lost in Translation. That takes place in a foreign country, as did Closer, which featured Natalie Portman, the star of Garden State, which was an Adaptation of Zach Braff's own life as a writer-actor. A writer and an actor are the subjects of Sideways, which was written and directed by Alexander Payne, much like Paul Haggis did with Crash. Haggis wrote the screenplay for Million Dollar Baby, which turns in an unexpected direction, much like Swimming Pool, Fight Club and The Usual Suspects.

Now the latter was an ensemble film, much like Ocean's Eleven, in which the love interest was Julia Roberts, an icon of the early '90s along with Demi Moore, the straight (wo)man to Tom Cruise in A Few Good Men, a military movie like The Manhattan Project, which was a government secret, as were the findings of the mathematician in Pi, by Darren Aronofsky, also the director of Requiem for a Dream.

Requiem dealt with young people, drugs and delinquents, the focus of Thirteen, which was about a girl searching for her identity, the male counterpart of which is Igby Goes Down. Identity loss propels The Bourne Identity, which starred Matt Damon, who also starred in Rounders, which took place on the fringes of society like Scarface, which was about drug lords, as was Empire.

Their opposition, narcotics officers, were the focus of Training Day, which takes place in Watts, like Rize. The dancers in Rize are attempting to use art to propel themselves past dead-end lives of crime, as is D Jay in Hustle and Flow. D Jay is trying to make it as a rapper, much like Rabbit in 8 Mile. The next step in many rap careers is to tour, like the Definitive Jux crew did in Revenge of the Robots. Live performance is a staple of Broadway musicals like Chicago, which was made into a movie musical like Rent. Rent is a musical about impoverished people in New York, as is Newsies, yet another movie musical.

Newsies was put out by Disney, also producers of The Nightmare Before Christmas, featuring semi-realistic claymation and The Lion King, a cartoon musical, as well as Finding Nemo, which was all CGI. Shrek, which was also 3-D animation, involves witches and spells, as did Spirited Away, which was done in Japanimation, a style found during a scene in Kill Bill Vol. 1, which along with its sequel Kill Bill Vol. 2, was a kung-fu movie, much like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.

Crouching Tiger was fantastical, like Big Fish, which was about mythological figures in real life, which William Wallace, the subject of Braveheart, would qualify as. Wallace was a hero, who fought for good, as did The Fellowship of the Ring on their way to The Two Towers before The Return of the King, not to mention Spider-man and Daredevil.

The latter two heroes are of the comic-book variety, and comic books are the focus of Unbreakable, a movie in which a man might be a super hero, which Donnie Darko [The Director's Cut] claims to be. Darko may or may not be crazy, much like Brittany Murphy's character in Don't Say a Word, which has a mystery to unravel as does The Ring, a horror film like The Blair Witch Project. It's sequel, Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2, messes with your mind. Mystic River, which stars Sean Penn, is a true-to-life portrayal of how people degrade when they can't distinguish between potential and actual reality. Penn also stars in 21 Grams, which shows people dealing with a shattered worldview, as does The Matrix, especially when it's Reloaded to causes Revolutions.

The Matrix movies feature a futuristic setting and a strong female lead, as does Dark Angel [Season One]. Dark Angel [Season Two] deals with transgenics - human and animal amalgamations, who look like they could be found in the Cantina at Mos Eisley, the home of Anakin Skywalker, main character of Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace. We all know Anakin is to become Darth Vader, and the groundwork for that is laid in Episode II: Attack of the Clones, which is followed retroactively by Episode IV: A New Hope, Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back and Episode VI: Return of the Jedi.

And … Done.